So it's semi late. I don't feel like sleeping yet. A little tired but I don't want to waste this time to just do whatever the hell I want and not what I have to. I'm not quite content nor am I truly disappointed. I sit here listening to songs I don't relate to, staring out into space and dimensions that don't exist, writing words with no particular direction. I just know I have to do something, express something----even if it's nothing.
If I dig deep enough, I'm sure I can come into focus. But the closer I get to that point, I feel like I'm farther from what I'm looking for. Don't know what it is however it's out there. I can feel it. At the same time, I'm lost.
I'm frustrated and at what? I still have no idea.
In the end, this is just a way to doodle out my stress. I spend my time thinking over things when in the end nothing comes out. It's not that it lacks substance. It's just that I get wrapped up when attempting to reconcile with them, make them clear, obvious, and coherent. It makes sense, but it isn't the answer alone. Sense and logic sometimes tend to ignore the impulse drives of our emotions and desires.
It rationalizes and detaches. It conveys nothingness.
This makes me think, our thoughts are made to flow out like toilet paper. In the heart of self reflection, no one should ever revamp their thoughts for presentation and have it rewind around our psyche, rubbing us from ear to ear, back and forth again of the same filth we try to rid of. Likewise, no one should ever reuse a wad of used toilet paper. It poisons the mind as much as it stinks our hands and senses.
And right now, I am very much disgusted by the smell of my fingers.
Thank you, thank you very much.
http://www.myspace.com/msun/blog/301736582
